Mental health advice.
Awesome. You now know exactly what went wrong before the affair and you feel absolutely helpless to fix it.
Basically your marriage needs more time (and attention). But where’s this precious commodity going to come from? And who can sustain devoting that much attention to their relationship once kids and the rest of the sh*t storm shows up?
So you’ve decided to give your marriage another chance. But how in the hell are you two going to make this time different?
You two are about to embark on the journey through Phase II. Remember in Phase I, it was all about triage and damage control from the trauma that ensued after the affair was revealed.
In this next phase you both will get an opportunity to share your perspective about how the marriage was before the aftermath from a decision that threatened to take down your world.
Do you remember the skills that you learned in Phase I, self-soothing and unyielding patience? Good because you will need them to get through the upcoming exercises.
Think your kids don’t have an opinion about your electronic use? Think again.
In a recent study, kids from the ages 10-17 had some very strong messages for their parents. Basically kids want some rules around their parents tech usage such as, don’t text and drive, and put the phone down when your talking to us.
When the dust from the initial life-shattering bomb has begun to settle you’re shocked to hear yourself ask, Okay, now what?
It’s been weeks of night sweats and devastating pain that threatens to bring you to your knees every time the truth telling reel begins to play in you head. You know that you’re not ready to reconcile with your partner, but at the same time you need to start to explore the path of healing. Because you sure as hell can’t stay in this state much longer.
Rarely is infidelity kept hush-hush.
Eventually the “other person” will want more than you’re willing to give and take revenge by alerting your spouse, or your conscious will catch up and come clean, or you slip up and get yourself C-A-U-G-H-T.
The first thing that you have to do after the affair is revealed is hold on tight. The world that you worked so hard to build is about to come crashing down one aspect at a time.
The sheer amount of pain that debilitates your spouse is unbearable to witness. You swear repeatedly that you wouldn’t have made the choice to stray had you know this would happen.
To The Betrayed,
Right now you feel utterly destroyed. The amount of pain that you’re in is indescribable.
You want to scream, but the only sound that comes out is a broken roar from the unearthed sobs that you can’t control. Your mind races from one end of the relationship to the other searching for answers. Questions like, were there clues that you missed that could have alerted you this was coming, plague your mind.
It won’t STOP! The story line that you can come up with has only bits and pieces flashing across the screen in your mind, like a faulty film reel. So you beg your partner to relinquish the knowledge so that your mind can find peace. Even though deep down you know more anguish is in the details, your mind won’t rest until it gets some answers.
How important is the relationship that you have with your spouse?
Extremely important. In fact it’s the most important relationship (not including religion and self) that you’ll ever have.
When your relationship is not up to par, the rest of your life takes a major hit. Other relationships suffer and your level of over all satisfaction goes down.
Post V-Day Hangover…
What ever happens to the cool kid in school?
A recent study discovers, not much. In fact, kids that peak during their teen years are more at risk to abuse alcohol and drugs, and are less competent to maintain social relationships entering adulthood.
Did you know that even if you make your goal super simple, there’s still a chance that you won’t accomplish it?
According to top researchers it’s hard to change a habit. It’s because when you do something over and over you create a deeper grove in your brain. The groove is what allows neurons to communicate and the longer the habit exists the more automated the pattern becomes.