Grind, Rinse, And Repeat Is Not What Our Founding Fathers Had In Mind
Americans are in a constant cycle of chaos. So much that it’s impossible not to ask (at least a few times,) “Is this it?”
According to a Harvard study we have increased our use of anti-depressants by 400 percent. That’s not okay.
By the end of this article you’ll see why this number is skyrocketing, and how to create change so that you don’t become part of the statistic.
Millions of Americans, just like you, are like the elephant tied to the tiny stake at the circus, and society is the ring leader. They make us believe that there’s only one way, but just like with the 13,000 pound african authority, you too can set yourself free.
3 Proven Steps Walk Away From Perceived Oppression and Into A World of Opportunities:
- Slow Down: Assess what’s working and what’s not.
- Simplify: Trim the extra stuff and commitments weighing you down.
- Savor the moments. There’s nothing more important.
Before we talk about how to transform your life, let’s look at how you signed up for 16,425* ground hog days.
The Psychology Behind Society’s Trap
Prior to your birth, you already had expectations to meet. And they just kept rolling in as you aged.
Rules and standards were set in place to maintain a controlled and productive society—which makes complete sense.
But what started off as a way to prevent mass chaos, has been corrupted by greed, and inadvertently brewed its own level of interpersonal chaos that threatens to unleash at any moment. Case and point, this is what you see with the stand up against police brutality amongst minority communities.
This way of life, governed by greed, tells you what you need to do in order to be successful and live the American dream. Which directly profits the big cats on top and keeps you squandered and searching for happiness on the bottom.
But wait there’s more. You’re fed 5000+ media messages that spread their agenda even further. They play on two main emotions, fear and hope.
Once you sign your life away to some corporate gig, you enter the cycle of grind, stress, and repeat. So much that you start looking for ways to supplement happiness on the way to retirement.
Through pure repeated exposure to the media messages, a little voice is implanted into the back of your mind that echoes what the messages say:
- “If you don’t go to college and get a really good job, you’ll fail, period.”
- “If you sell your soul now you can make a ton of money and really live a good life.”
- “You deserve it. You work so hard.”
- “If you have that, you’ll be happy.”
- “The neighbors use their credit card to pay off bills… You could do that too.”
- “You need to buy that, get this, and have all of those.”
You blink and you’re drowning in debt, handcuffed to your job, and slaving away until the day you can retire. A few choices are all it takes to get you here, reading this with me.
Because it seems like this is the only way, you bow your head again and do your best to balance all the balls in the air. Family, work, and maintenance of all your stuff–all the while neglecting yourself in the process. No wonder you’re asking “What’s the point?”
And when you’re down and out, that’s when the little voice really makes a ruckus trying to get you to buy everything that you don’t need, only to perpetuate your misery.
The winner in this life is society. They’re awarded good work horses, and a ton of money pumped back into the economy, period. It’s brilliant from a greed standpoint and a death sentence from a fulfillment standpoint.
The American Hamster Wheel Drives Us To Drink And More
Is designed to keep you stuck in the same place, spinning your wheels. Blinded just enough so that you don’t try to step off, and miserable enough to keep buying stuff to placate your unhappiness.
The monotony of everyday life compels us to cope in a variety of ways:
- Pop pills.
- Drink wine to make it through the evening mayhem.
- Cheat, in order to feel alive.
- And 100s more.
Smoked Mirrors
You’re encouraged to accumulated a ton of debt in hopes that you feel trapped enough to stay put and keep working. And 99 percent of the time, it works. You don’t leave a job that you hate, 1) because you have so much to pay for, and 2) you fear that you’ll lose everything and your family will suffer. This is all part of the master greed plan.
But Some Have Sidestepped the Wheel And They Did It By Asking A Single Question
“What Will I Really Lose?”
A fat mortgage, an overpriced shuttle bus, a condo, some toys, hours of yard maintenance, stress lines? What? Truly ask yourself “What will I lose if I fail?”
The answer is nothing that matters.
But because you’re told repeatedly by the media how scary it is to fail and how much pain your family will be in, you bow your head, doggie paddle through your mess, and try to stay afloat.
American Marriages are a Mess and We Carry a HUGE Intimacy Deficit
When’s the last time that you felt truly connected to your spouse. Probably months, maybe years. You don’t have time to invest in your relationships anymore. That’s the problem.
What’s changed in the last 30 years? The expectation to be all and do all. And it’s because of this precedence that you multitask through your days, so much that, by the time you get home, you’re literally out of fuel.
Does This Sound Like Your American Dream?
You do stupid things to feel alive: an extreme workout, climb a rock wall, jump out of a plan, and cheat on your spouse.
The lack of intimate connection is universally heartbreaking. You don’t have the time to visit with friends on the phone anymore. You communicate through controlled mediums: messaging, texts, and snaps, which lack the intimacy that’s missing in your life–furthering your loneliness.
Hell you don’t even have time to get to know the adult version of yourself! You evolve through new experiences and challenges but most don’t have the time to check in and see who they have become.
Jesus this is Depressing!
I know this sounds depressing, but I need you to realize that you’re not alone, and that this didn’t just happen to you. You’ve been groomed since day one to stay on course and not get sidetracked.
But there are so many ways to go about life. Some afford more time with the people you love, and doing things that make you genuinely happy. Here’s one way:
3 Simple Steps to Get Off the Hamster Wheel
Step One: Slow Down and Reassess
The first step to regain control over your life, is to slow down.
Sit down with a pen and paper, either solo or with your spouse, if you have one. Write down what’s working and what’s not. For example, if you love your job, that goes in the working column. If you hate being a self-appointed shuttle service for your kids, jot that in the not-working column.
If you get stuck, start by asking yourself when was I the happiest? Chances are it will be when you had nothing (material wise) and everything (happiness wise) at the same time.
Step Two: Simplify
Now that you know what’s not working, let’s trim the list. For instance, if you do hate being a shuttle driver, you can finish up this round of activities and then make an announcement to your family, that next semester, only one activity per kid is allowed. If that seems harsh, you can add that if they find a ride to anything beyond the one, you’ll supply the funds to enter, but not the transportation.
Continue down the list and see what can be trimmed or crossed out completely.
You need to finish what you have committed to. If you are the chair of several committees, make sure fellow chairs know that you’ll be leaving after this term. If you volunteer a lot at the church, you need to stop and only sign up for things that fill your soul, not just to be a good God loving person.
If you have a giant house that you loath to clean, think about downsizing into the right-sized house. You’ll instantly feel less stressed, gain time from not having to maintain a Mcmansion, and so many other benefits.
Whoa, Whoa, Whoa—I Can’t Just Do That… Can I?
Right now if you’re saying:
- “I can’t say no to people.”
- “What would people think if we sold our big house and moved to a smaller one with a tiny mortgage?”
- “The church needs me. If I don’t do all this, it will tank.”
Don’t worry, it’s completely normal to have these thoughts.
You have two things going on right now. First, it’s in our DNA to want to be accepted and that goes back to our more primitive days, where if you weren’t accepted, you were kicked out of the pack and died. The second is more societal messages.
You have been told so many times that you’ll only be good enough when you do so much, or if you can prove it through material possessions, that you’re hypersensitive to do anything outside of the norm or that will draw unwanted attention. This is again part of the greed plan to make you a deer in headlights when you catch wind that there may be another way to live. You’re scared back into complacency.
But at the same time, once you know why you’re saying no to sister Suzi or why you’re choosing to downsize, the rest doesn’t really matter. If you’re saying “No” to volunteer efforts so that you can gain back your sanity and be with your family, others will understand. And if they don’t that speaks more to their own insecurities, than what you’re doing.
Step Three: Savor the Moments
What matters more than time? Nothing. Time goes by and if you miss a moment, it’s gone. So if you were on your phone the first time your son snapped his fingers so be it. You can’t hit rewind. If you were at the cub scouts meeting when your daughter pulled out her first tooth, so be it. If you were on a business trip when your son learned how to ride with no training wheels, that’s rough. If you were at an association meeting when your husband decided to reach out online to another available female, that’s an incredibly painful pill to swallow.
Time matters and your presence is necessary. Even if you’re there but looking down at an electronic or just off in your own thoughts, you wasted your time and most definitely missed something spectacular. The little moments, are the sparkle that lights up our lives, not the giant fireworks.
You’ll Never Get These Moments Back
Your solution is to slow down and regroup in order to enjoy the time that you have.
You have one of two choices. You can take this actionable advice, kick start your own dream lifestyle and create incredible memories. Or you can click off this informative read and go back to the same hum drum existence.
Either way, you’re making a choice about what’s going to keep you company when you’re old and all you can do is sit and reminisce.
Will you lay in your bed or sit in your La-Z-boy remembering all the fun times that you had with your kids and romantic moments with your spouse, or will you be haunted by the mountain of regret that plagues your mind?
The choice is truly yours alone to take. But don’t take too long because you’ll blink and decade will go by.
The Point Is This
Wake up before it’s too late. Our current cycle has no point. This way of life is not about us, it’s about greed. The big cats want you to work until you’re almost dead, all the while burying you in debt, in order to ensure that you remain a good work horse.
On this path you buy into the notion that you play when over half of your faculties are gone (around 65 years old).
You need to realize that building your own path is not as scary as the media portrays. Doing life your way can be the difference between living a life that you love or living a life that you despise.
Do you need more evidence? Look at the scowling mom race to the school pick up line, witness a middle aged man in an Audi cut off an elderly woman on the round-a-bout, or check in with your gut and become keenly aware of how much it screams daily “This isn’t right”.
It matters that you get this message and understand how to see the world and the possibilities with a fresh perspective. If you have any questions or want more of an explanation? Simply reach out directly and I’m happy to talk further.
Don’t be like the elephant tied to the tiny stake. Lift your head up and exit the false notion that you’re stuck.
Jessica is a huge advocate for living life your way and runs a successful practice in Minnesota. To learn more specific steps on how to create your dream lifestyle check out her book, Back 2 Love. Follow her on Twitter, where she tweets leading relationship advice.
*65 (average age of retirement) – 20 years (pre-career) x 365 days = 16425