We all have insecurities.
Some are insecure about the way that they look, personality traits, or social status. What sucks is when someone allows their insecurities to foam from their mouth to bring others down in order to lift themselves up.
This tactic or strategy is caused from the inferiority complex. The idea is that if you feel awful about yourself, you say and do things to make others feel even worse, in hopes that you make yourself feel better.
In reality, you crush the people around you, making them want to scatter and hide, which reaffirms the negative things you believed about yourself in the first place.
What Can You Do To Stop Picking On Others And Start Helping Your Emotional State of Mind?
First of all just stop talking. I don’t mean to be rude, but most people that have this complex or that run a muck with their mouths are pretty intense, obnoxious, and loud. So zip it for a bit. You need to quiet down in order to ask yourself some come to Jesus questions:
- What are your biggest insecurities? Is it that your nose is too big, your wallet isn’t fat enough, or that you feel broken inside?
- Next, ask yourself where did this insecurity come from? Were you picked on growing up? Do you have a critical parent that measures your success by how much is in your bank account? Or do you have a strong inner voice telling you that you’re not enough? Once you know your insecurities, understand where they originated from, you can begin to dig your way out of feeling this way without dragging others down.
- Fact check. Find proof that you do in fact, have the biggest nose in the world, or prove that your value and worth should be measured by your paycheck. Most of what you hate about yourself are mistaken beliefs. If you take the emotions out of it and look at the thought process objectively, you’ll see that most of your negative self talk is based on things that don’t make any sense.
Become Transparent To The Media Mania
Many insecurities are born from the 3000-20000 media messages that bombard us on a daily bases. We are critiqued and told what beauty looks like, what success smells like, and how to feel if we are truly happy. Because these ideals are so out of reach it’s impossible for us to achieve what’s considered success, based on social standards.
The only way to get around all the messages telling you that you’re not good enough, is to let them pass through you. Understand that it’s all a plan to keep you in a state of constant misery so that you buy and strive for more. Knowing that the anti-wrinkle cream company wants you to believe that wrinkles make you obsolete, takes the magic out of the message. Realizing that you don’t have to have a million dollars in the bank to be rich, allows you to live like a millionaire everyday.
Awareness is the name of the game.
Radical Self-Acceptance
Sometimes is boils down to just accepting yourself, flaws and all. I believe that the older I get the more I realize that I will never be good enough to turn on the TV and see a reflection of myself staring back. Because I’m real and those images are not. I have accepted that my body won’t ever be a carbon copy to the computerized images plastered all over the magazine stands. And I know that I will not be the life of the party because only a select few understand my humor–and that’s okay.
Do Something Different
The next time you’re at a party, or out with some co-workers, when you notice yourself gearing up to take others down, pause. Realize that your cutting jokes or prickly pokes won’t get you anywhere. Understand that the ones you are knocking already have their own insecurities to bear and you pointing out more things that are wrong with them won’t help the world in any way. It will only keep us stuck in this perpetual state of feeling inadequate, insecure, and not enough.
The girl you tease about her messed up ear lobe may be extremely self-conscious about it and you drawing attention is unbearably painful. Or the guy that just got a new car maybe wanted to get the truck but was denied a bigger loan since his parents didn’t have the credit to cosign. So you talking about your big mudding 4X4 driving over his Hyundai reminds him of the things he can’t have based on logistics and luck of the draw.
If we could all just be a little more tipsy (like right when you get buzzed from the first couple drinks and everyone is just loving on everyone else) the world would be a much kinder place. Choose to lift others up and stop tearing them down. You’re better than that and they certainly don’t deserve it.
Jessica is the author of Back 2 Love and How to Start a mental Health Private Practice. She owns a practice in Minnesota where she lives with her husband, two kids, and two pups. For more relationship and life advice follow her on Twitter.