Top 10 Ways To Tell if You’re Getting The Best Marriage Counselor or Getting Shafted

Marriage advice can be very expensive. Make sure you find the right relationship expert to help save your marriage.

In my last article, I wrote about marriage counseling costs and the reasons why it’s so expensive.

But how do you know if you have a professional that will deliver on their promise and hype?

Top 10 Ways to Tell If You’re Getting the Best Marriage Counselor Or Getting Shafted:

1. What is the office like?

According to lead neuroscientist Colin Ellard, the environment that you’re in impacts how you feel and how much you allow yourself to open up.

This may seem superficial but trust me, when you go in for your free 20-minute consult (more on this in a second), check in with your gut. How do you feel? Do you feel like the space represents a successful professional? Do you want to come back? Will you be able to relax here and dive into the work?

How much the marriage expert puts into the space is telling. If you’re welcomed to sit on refurbished college furniture…Well that’s not so good, right? Versus plush sofas with amble ambiance filling the room (ahh much better).

Degrees and certifications only go so far. If this expert is all that he or she is cracked up to be, the space should be a good representation of their success.

2. Does the expert offer a free consultation?

If this is not an option, this is a huge red flag. Marriage counselors that are too busy for a consultation are too busy to be successful on your case.

What, no I thought that meant they were that good!?

Yes, that’s what most would assume but here’s why it’s not good for you or your marriage:

Effective marriage treatment comes from having a professional catch the minor details.
The answers are in the brief tidbits of information that are shared in passing, mumbled under breath or squashed between two other really telling points.
An expert that’s not overloaded with clients, has the ability and the mental space to catch the information and keep it stored. Resolving relationship problems more efficiently and successfully completing treatment faster.

For example, the secret to what’s triggering the husband in session 10 was shared in session 1, and that needs to be caught by the expert to provide healing insight and awareness for the couple.

You don’t want a counselor running through the daily appointments, nodding and asking “how does that make you feel?” You want someone out there during the week kneading through the details, reworking the story, and connecting the missing pieces. And that takes time.

3. What is their success rate?

They should be able to spit out a percentage. Real experts keep an eye on their success and are proud to report their numbers. They will know how many couples have effectively completely their counseling experience and how many have perished. If your expert can’t give you a percentage and maybe even some data points, that’s another red flag.

4. Do they have a niche?

Besides couples work, because in this arena that’s even too general. What are they passionate about? For example, helping couples recover after an affair. Just like an orthopedic surgeon can do any musculoskeletal repair, but they may have magic fingers when it comes to upper spine corrections.

5. Do they talk about confidentiality? Anonymity?

If they talk about getting you in an out of the office with minimal exposure or share the fact that they can’t guarantee others won’t see you in the waiting room etc. That’s a good sign. That means that you have an expert that has put themselves in your shoes and thinks about what it would be like to be here. And maybe they have gone through it themselves.

6. If a friend referred you to the marriage expert, and you share this with the professional, they may barely acknowledge it, or give you nothing at all. And that’s terrific!

What? I thought it was rude. No. Most experts get the majority of their business from word of mouth, and true professionals don’t break the confidentiality agreement with any client past, current, or potential. By them not giving it any attention they are saying, “and when you tell your friends to come see me. I won’t let on that I have ever met you either”.

7. What are their views on marriage?

This is so important. If they are flippant or don’t hold a bias to helping you save your marriage, who’s going to be in your relationship’s corner when everyone else turns out the lights and goes home. If you’re there to save your marriage your expert better be your marriage’s biggest fan!

8. What are their treatment strategies?

Within the first 20-minutes of the free consultation your expert will be able to sketch out a rough plan of attack. They should be able to articulate where they would go first and why.

If they say that they need more time and more information… you probably found yourself a self-appointed expert that has not done the work to earn the title.

9. Do they do anything outside of the therapy room?

Many marriage experts are contributors to network television shows, write for major online publications, have a current blog packed with useful information (for free), and some have even wrote a book.

10. How do you feel when you are with them?

Think back to the last time that you were with your best friend, parent, or grandparent. How do you feel when you’re with them? Yourself? Comfortable? Like you’re in good capable hands?

Do you feel understood—like maybe they have gone through similar struggles or really get you?

That’s how you should feel sitting with your expert.

Don’t be afraid to bring this list of 10 things in with you two for the consultation. After all this is your life and your marriage you are seeking help for.

Marriage counseling costs a lot of money but when done with the right relationship expert, it’s worth every penny.

Take your time finding the your professional. A good rule of thumb is to interview three different practitioners before you make your choice.

Do you have more questions about marriage counseling costs? Or are you looking for the best marriage counselor in Minnesota? Connect with Jessica, author of Back 2 Love on her website. Stay up to date on the latest science behind relationships by following her on twitter and subscribing to her YouTube Channel.

Marriage advice can be very expensive. Make sure you find the right relationship expert to help save your marriage.

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