After reading this article you could be re-invited back into your teens corner.
A new school year is just around the corner. For many this means new cloths, new look, and reuniting with old friends. But for some, ringing in a new school year comes with copious amounts of anxiety and dread.
A lot has changed since we went to school. How do I know? Because I get the opportunity to work with tweens and teens on a weekly basis.
The one thing that never seizes to amaze me is how much kids don’t want to stress out their parents. For example, if they are getting bullied online or in school, they would rather suffer in silence than tell their parents.
I’m a believer that it takes a village to raise a child. And it’s better to have parents in the loop than isolated from the pain your teen endures. But in order for you to help your kids you have to understand their world.
So I went on a mission to collect the best insight from our mini me(s) and this is what they would like you to know:
6 Things Your Child Wishes You Knew About Their World
- School is stressful. If there’s not a test to study for, there is a project to build, or busy work to hand in. There is never a break. When we leave school, we have to bring it home and keep working. “I never feel like I can catch up and breathe. There’s always another assignment or quiz to study for.”
- Kids are mean. Not just glare at you funny as you walk down the hall, they spread rumors like the gossip magazines that are down right lies. You are judged by your appearance, how smart you are, and what you say and do on social media. “I am always under a microscope. Sometimes it takes me 15 minutes to do a 3 second snap.”
- They miss you. “I never see my dad. If I do he is always working on something.” Kids need their parents no matter what they say. They need that direct one on one time with you so that they know even though to many they are misunderstood and weird, to you, they are still and always will be incredible.
- Stop yelling at me. Teens often report that their parents don’t listen to them. The kids I work with are amazing kids with great heads on their shoulders. They see a lot and know when someone is talking over or down to them and not with them. “If I could tell my mom one thing it would be to listen. I just want her to listen to me.” Every child is a little human being and they do deserve to be heard and their opinions respected. If more parents would try to listen to their children instead of turning every moment into a teaching moment or a lecture, more kids would come and be open with you.
- Show me that you love me. “Even when I fight it, I still like my parents to hug and kiss me.” Learn what your tween or teens love language is and make sure you are making regular deposits into their love banks. Have your child answer these simple questions to determine their love language.
- My feelings are real. When your teen is sad or upset don’t minimize it by saying it’s just hormones, or it doesn’t matter because this isn’t the real world. “I hate when my mom says it’s just puppy love, this is the only love I know, how can it not be real?” If you are lucky enough to have your child open up about feelings make sure to validate what they are experiencing. Even though as adults we do know the bigger picture, we can’t discredit what they are feeling. The next time your child talks about stress, anxiety, or heartbreak, just listen and then validate. Here is a great resource to help your child articulate what they are feeling: Feelings Wheel.
If your child is nervous about starting back at school, set up a one on one date with them and truly listen to their concerns. If you feel it is more than you can handle definitely consider getting them some professional services. With kids they are so quick to grab on to tools and new ways of thinking and seeing the world that it typically doesn’t take too long before they are back standing on their own two feet (with you there of course holding everything up in the background).
It is a whole different ball game out there than we played. And they will tell you all about it if they feel respected, heard, and honored.
Take care and best of luck for the 2016-2017 school year!
Jessica is the author of Back 2 Love. She owns a private practice in Minnesota with her husband, two kids, and two pups. Stay up to date on the latest science behind relationships by following her on twitter and subscribing to her YouTube Channel.