Awe… Welcome to parenthood. The land of feeling like you are NEVER doing enough.
A recent study agrees. You can’t do it all, especially when you’re a new mom. Having a baby enter the mix is a BIG transition and it takes a toll on the new mama’s libido.
Besides the stress from becoming a new mom lets be honest and say, we don’t feel sexy after popping out a 9-pound melon. We have this overwhelming urge to hold our young and nurture like crazy. We become this mother hen clucking around the house making sure all is well.
I don’t know about you but when I’m in “mom” mode I can’t just drop my panties and get into dirty wifey mode. It’s polar opposite states of mind, especially in the beginning stages of parenthood.
There’s a lot that goes on with our bodies when we carry and then deliver a mini me. We have excess fluid, more pounds than we feel comfortable with, our hormones are off the charts, and if we’re nursing our nipples look like a cracked dessert road.
Guys wait for the six week waiting period to be up so that the doc can give you two the green light to get back into the bedroom. Most moms I know were dreading that “a-okay” report. They loved hiding behind, “The doctor said….” Now there is nothing for them to do but to say that sour two letter word, “NO”.
Oh god….
We don’t want to disappoint our men, and at the same time when our minds are wrapped tightly around our baby we can’t force our brains to shut off long enough to get in a relaxed sexy state of mind.
Here’s A Peak At What Stress Does To Your Mind and Body
When your stressed you want to do and get things done. NOT run to the bedroom and do the horizontal tango (or reverse cowgirl-if that’s your thing). Your blood pressure changes, you’re tired, you withdrawal from social interactions, and you stop taking care of yourself.
What Can You Do To Help Counter The Effects Of Stress?
Be Gentle With Yourself
The first thing that you have to have a soft inner dialogue. When I became a mom I didn’t feel like I could do anything right. When my baby wouldn’t latch on or sleep or eat or poop, it was because I the worst mother on the planet! At least that’s what I told myself. And you can imagine if I felt incompetent and depressed about my lack of success being a parent, how into sex do you think I was? (Buzzer sound) Not at all. I had nada to give my man.
So the first thing that I did was change the commentary playing out in my head. I was a new mom, a learning mom, and a mom that was trying her hardest. So what if my daughter kept crapping on the changing table because I couldn’t get that whole diapering down quick enough and so what if I felt like I was going to drown my kid in 3 inches of water in the baby blue sink tub. I was scared! I was irrational! And that’s okay. I became my friend and that helped a ton!
Take Time For You
You have to take time and care for you. I know what it’s like to try and be this wonder mother and I can tell you that it’s not worth it. When someone offers to watch your baby say yes, and sleep, go for a walk, get a good meal in, or get a pedicure.
Eat Healthy
When you run around trying to be all to everyone you can forget to eat. Then when it’s time you end up devouring the carb cupboard like a t-rex. Make sure that you get in 4-5 balanced meals a day (equal amounts of protein, carb, and healthy fats).
Exercise
The baby blues hits us all to some degree. I think it has more to do with our hormones balancing out and just our body adjusting after it when through a traumatic experience giving birth.
The best way to counter the depressed symptoms is to move. Get those positive endorphins pumping and move that rump. Simply start with walking. Get outside if you can and take in nice deep belly breaths as you are out connecting with nature. This will give you the endorphin rush and some relaxation.
Quiet Your Mind (When You Can)
If you have some down time, shut it down. Stop thinking about what’s next or how you didn’t do something, just shut it up. Tell your mind to stop. Stop running the reel and come back to the present. Run through your five senses to help ground your mind. What do you see, feel, hear, smell, and taste.
Once you get in the routine of caring for you and taking Brene Brown’s advice “Talk to yourself like you would talk to someone that you love,” you will be back on track before you know it to jump on your partner and have some fun yourself!
Jessica is the author of Back 2 Love a book written to help couples step out of the chaos and back to what matters, love. She is a syndicated columnist and owns a private practice in Minnesota where she lives with her husband, two kids, and two pups. Follow her relationship tweets and check out her insightful videos.