Parents are everything to their kids.
You fend away bad dreams, kiss boo boos, and shuttle your tiny tot to far away places. But the number one thing that you do as a parent is teach.
Teaching is The Main Act
As parents we teach in a variety of ways. Direct teaching includes showing your kid how to put her dirty clothes in the hamper or your son how to tie his shoes. But indirect teaching is where the majority of childhood education occurs. This style happens in between the “teachable moments”. When we forget that our kids are watching.
What We Do In The Mundane Grind Matters The World To Our Kids
How many times have you caught yourself do or say something that you learned when you were a child?
Our kids pick up on the type of detergent you use, to how you say sorry after a fight. They see if you hold the door for the old man struggling to make it to the gas station, to quickly sending a text while you rush to soccer practice.
We are on, all the time. And once we acknowledge that reality we can turn our indirect moments into powerful opportunities by teaching our kids what we truly want for them as adults.
Teaching with Intention
I remember when I fully grasped my responsibility as a parent. I was sitting in our living room and my daughter came in scared and asked, “Mom what’s wrong?” I responded, “Nothing baby, I’m just relaxing.” And she said, “But you never sit down.”
Reality Check…
If I want my kids to take care of themselves as adults, I have to take the time and model self-care as an adult.
The desired behaviors that you want for your kids have to start with you. I couldn’t talk to my daughter about self-care if I didn’t show her why it’s important and practice it myself.
Parenting with Intention
Each one of us wants something great for our kids. Most want better than what we had. We work hard as parents to take the bumps out of kids’ roads. And I think we can do more by being aware of how much our kids absorb by simply watching us exist.
3 Tips to Turn Up Your Awareness
- Think about the things that you didn’t like to see growing up. Or the things you swore you wouldn’t bring into your adult life. Ask yourself, are these traits or behaviors present? If so become more aware of the times they are and catch yourself in the act. Depending on the age of your kids you can talk with them about your preferred way and that you’re in the process of re-teaching yourself.
- Take care of yourself. We get beat up, kicked around, and tossed aside from the tough daily grind. The pace will, most likely, speed up as time goes on. If you’re not indeed a robot you need down time. It makes us better people and it shows our kids the importance of loving ourselves. When you have these moments of down time, reflect. Think about your days, how you’re relating to your partner, kids, and if work is brought home too much. Re-adjust as needed so you re-enter your family a more balanced person.
- Talk with your kids. If you catch yourself indirectly teaching them something you want to stop. Sit down and chat. Talk it out by explaining (how they can comprehend) and then teaching them your preferred way. This resolution helps kids know that even though you did it one way, there are still other ways to handle situations.
Have Fun with Your Kids
My final tip would be to slow down and enjoy your babies. This time only lasts once. You can always work, clean, and volunteer. But you will never get today back. Put down your phone and just be with your kids in the moment and stop capturing it with pics you won’t develop. Be here right now and live.
Parenting is hard work but just living in todays chaos is too. Take care out there and remember, you do have the power to change the way that you do things. So if you want better for your kids be the change you want to see.
Jessica is the author of Back 2 Love. She owns a private practice in Minnesota with her husband, two kids, and two pups. Stay up to date on the latest science behind relationships by following her on twitter and subscribing to her YouTube Channel.