According to this HUGE study, many say I do to anti-depressants after that vows are exchanged.
A startling 20 year study found that an alarming amount of psychiatrists prescribe anti-depressants to married men and women that don’t meet the current DSM criteria for depression.
It’s safe to say that our partners can royally piss us off, frustrate us beyond belief, and cause us to feel waves upon waves of pain. But to be put on a drug to wade through the woes, I think that’s going too far.
Instead of taking a pill to stay in a situation, whether it’s your job, marriage, or life, wouldn’t you rather change the circumstance all together?
Why is it that we don’t want to look at options that don’t come with a mile long list of side-effects?
Change is Hard
Let’s look at some reasons why we choose to pop a pill; rather than bite the bullet and create the necessary change:
- Change is hard. We all know this, but literally as humans, we prefer to stay the same and have as many things run on automation as possible. So we have this natural instinct to resist change. (That’s battle number one–overcoming your natural urge to stay with the status quo).
- We fear the unknown. If we don’t know how something is going to turn out we would rather stay comfortable in our known misery than venture off into the abyss.
- We don’t like to work. Change takes work. Refer back to the first two reasons. Obviously going through forced growth pains is not optimal and it takes a lot of energy to learn a new way of doing something.
But if we don’t want to take something that numbs our entire world, we need to find some way to motivate ourselves enough to do the work anyway.
It Boils Down to Moving Your Elephant
The Heath brothers talk about the circus rider and the Elephant in their wildly popular book Switch.
Even though the rider knows where it wants to go, in order to arrive at his or her destination the elephant has to be enticed to move. Our elephant is essentially the big push of motivation needed to get us to take action. This is usually something emotional not logical.
For example, you would quit smoking for your son but not for your dwindling back account.
It’s A Slippery Slop When You Feel Awful And You Happen To Be Married
I know whenever my pants fit a too tight, I don’t feel my best. If I stay in this state too long I notice myself not initiating sex, not wearing sexy clothes, sometimes I don’t even like to shower because I have to see myself naked.
You can see how it wouldn’t take long for the negative voice to start putting me down even further. AND how quickly I could spiral into a full blown sour faced Sally.
Now I know what it takes to get back on track. AND I know it takes a crap ton of work. So knowing what to do isn’t going to get my internal elephant to move. But if I reflect on what has changed and not in a good way as well as, how unhappy I feel I get closer to moving.
Then if I think about the fun I have flirting or when I wear my favorite jeans and when I’m confident I add a little swing to my hips as a walk… That’s enough to get my butt out of the snack cupboard and into the gym.
But Look At What I Could Have Done!
I could have went the alternative route and put all the control outside of myself. If I could have started to resent my husband for not making as many advances on me. And call him shallow for caring how I looked. I could have continued to sell him out all the way to the shrinks office where I explain how hard my life is. And maybe if he or she had a happy prescription scribbling hand I would walk out with a pill to make me feel better.
You can see that it’s a fine line and when you don’t take the time to reflect on your state of mind and mood. You risk placing the blame and handing over your power to someone or something else.
My advice would be to listen to the change gurus and find what moves you emotionally. Use that as your launching pad and clean up your situation the al naturale way. Yes it will take work, and yes it will be hard. But good lord it will feel amazing to cross that victory line substance free!
Jessica is the author of Back 2 Love. She owns a private practice in Minnesota with her husband, two kids, and two pups. Stay up to date on the latest science behind relationships by following her on twitter and subscribing to her YouTube Channel.