Every parent reading this will feel their heart sink…Mine did.
Think your kids don’t have an opinion about your electronic use? Think again.
In a recent study, kids from the ages 10-17 had some very strong messages for their parents. Basically kids want some rules around their parents tech usage such as, don’t text and drive, and put the phone down when your talking to us.
Ouch! As a parent this study has some serious shock value. It certainly made me pause and think about my own phone use in front of my kids. In fact I called my daughter into my office after reading the study and asked her directly, “What do you think about mommy and her phone?” She (8-years of age) took no time at all to respond, “Well last week when I said thank you for the sleep over you were on your phone.” The counselor in me of course asked, “How did that make you feel?” Again she rattled off, “Bothered. Like why should I even say thank you.” BTW I gave her a high five for her honesty and did a big exhale when she walked out. This bothered me.
How Much Are You On The Phone When Your Kids Are Present?
Obviously I’m missing prime times with my kids looking at my device and that is something because of this study I’m going to be even more cognizant about.
What About The Rest Of Our World?
Let’s take it a step further and and ask ourselves (honestly) how much are we on our phones when we are hanging out with our partners?
A couple weeks ago my husband and I were out on a date at a very trendy restaurant and we couldn’t help but notice the couple directly across the bar from us. The man hadn’t put down his phone once since they sat down and they were on their second martini and almost through their appetizer. The woman could not hide her irritation or frustration one bit. She finally slumped in her seat after several attempts to converse with her date and conceded to watching March Madness on the TV monitor above her stool.
So being the curious cat that I am, I scanned the restaurant to see if other couples or families were being plagued by electronic use and what I saw was heartbreaking. I (honest to God) could only find one table that was not using a phone. That included families, couples, and friends.
What’s Happening To Us?
We know what it’s like to try and connect with someone that’s doing something else and not focused on us. I mean that’s why I have a job, because people in my clients lives are not present enough to be with them when given the chance.
Research shows that as a culture we are connection starved, yet when we get the opportunity to connect we’re so addicted to scrolling that we miss the richest moments in our lives.
Whether its trying to multitask (task-shift) while your daughter thanks you for a party or you check your newsfeed while you’re on a date.
These are the precious moments that make this crazy busy life worth living. Present living is euphoric and when you can quiet your mind and simply be with your loved ones you feel alive.
Let’s learn from this study and put down our phones more when our loved ones are around. I know that I’m more aware of my phone usage especially after hearing the effects directly from my daughter. And I need those thank you(s) damn it!
Jessica M. Miller, M.A. is the author of Back 2 Love and How to Start a Mental Health Private Practice. She owns a practice in New Prague, Minnesota where she lives with her husband, two kids, and two pups. For more relationship advice subscribe to her YouTube channel: Super Living. Follower her on Twitter where she regularly post about happiness, marriage tips, and personal identity.